The store brand queen bites the dust

Oh my , school starts in a week. School supplies need to be bought. You look for the lists and find one under a pile of shoes, one on a paper plate with a banana peel and the Kindergarteners came in the mail in an envelope that exploded with glitter when opened. Its off to the store. The kids are at grandmas and you don’t want them with you anyway. They will want the unicorn folders and the mechanical pencils. You are the queen of store brands. Upon arriving at Cheapmart you load up the cart with all the store brands and save a ton of money.

Upon arriving home you load up the $3 backpacks for the progeny. They look at them and fuss about all the other kids having better stuff. You mutter something about friends and bridges and move on.

Fast forward a few weeks. The bus screeches to a halt and 2 bubbly girls rush through the door followed by their angry faced brother who walks in and hurls a bunch of pencils at the wall. He screams,”That old bag of a teacher wants perfect penmanship. She fussed at me for holding the pencil wrong and its not my fault, These cheap pencils are crooked” He then promptly picks them up, tosses them in the garbage and heads to his room. What in the world you think. You pick up a pencil and look at it. Really, he is right the granite is not in the middle and when sharpened the pencil can only be held one way or it won’t write. Some time later one of the bubbly girls comes home and pulls her markers from her uncool backpack and says Mom I need more markers. These are all out of ink. The teacher says that happens with the off brands. Now its time for the teacher conference with the princess’ teacher. She is a booger and you don’t know what to expect. The report is glowing and you wonder if the teacher has her confused with the other Fern in the class. But no, the only problem she is having is cutting. You tell her you have been practicing at home , but she just doesn’t seem to have the hang of it. Do you thing she has a small motor deficiency? The teacher assures you that she does not. She tells you that she thinks it may be the scissors. She says that Fiskars are the only ones that work at all for littles, especially south paws like yours. They cut with either hand and do not have to be held perpendicular to the paper. You  walk out with a sheepish expression and on the way home you stop for pencils, scissors, and crayons, all name brand. It hurts your wallet, but you now understand the purpose of the teacher asking for specific brands. They are not on  the payroll of name brand companies, they just know what works. So name brands it will be, in $3 Cheapmart backpacks.

 

What’s in My car

If you are a purse carrier, you probably know the game “What’s in your purse?” This is my version. My car has lots of stuff in it.Some would consider it messy, others just dirty. It is a reflection of me and who I am and I am writing this to show how easy it is to reach out to and help others.

Lets start with the exterior of my 2009 Kia Rondo. Its grey exterior has a big dent on the passenger side. That was inflicted by a neighbor when she was moving. I had been helping and had parked my car in her driveway. When I came out of the house I forgot and walked home. When she pulled out of the garage she was looking to be sure she didn’t hit the Uhaul truck and hit my car, the one that shouldn’t have been there. I didn’t want any repairs to count against her insurance rate, so the dent stayed.

Now for a tour of  the inside. The back space features lots of straw. Since mine is the bigger car, it serves as the family truck. The back  has seats stained from various treats eaten in my backseat by my “granddaughters” (neighbor kids). The seats are also coated in lovely blond and red dog hairs because that is where the dogs ride. The mesh tote on the back of my seat is torn, the result of having to free a tangled something. The front passenger side features lovely salt stained seat. My husband thought it was from girls, but they weren’t big enough to sit up there when they lived across the street. No , the salt stains were from sweaty runners. They were running a 31 mile trail race and dropped out at 26 miles. They needed a ride to the finish and I offered it, so salt stains.

Now for the what is in my car. I will be listing these

Rocks- They are painted rocks that offer encouragement to those that find them.

A bag of food- This will be taken with me to Physical Therapy. They are collecting food for the rescue mission food pantry.

A bag of dog toys and harnesses- My dogs don’t need them, so off to the Humane society they go the next time I go there to walk dogs.

A bag of clothing- This will go to the local thrift store.

The sun shield that would be great if only I remembered to put it on the windshield when I got out of the car. Maybe some day when it gets over 100 I will remember it.

Some chocolate wrappers

A gift bag that contains diapers and wipes- Its the almost monthly diaper and wipe shower at church. We have had 4 new babies since June1. The next one will be here in August or September.

A gift bag with a hand knit baby blanket- It’s for the youth leaders new little boy.

A backpack containing a swim suit and towel- Maybe someday I will get to that water aerobics class or go for a swim to exercise.

A very overdue library book.-They keep sending me notices, but I am locked out of the online account. At least there is a cap on the fines. I didn’t even like the book and only read a couple chapters.

Some other candy wrappers

Change for parking meters or Aldi’s shopping carts- There is enough for me and for me to feed other meters and leave on other carts.

a parking token- its extra from the time I got one , couldn’t find it and had to pay $5 to get out of the Drs building parking lot.

water bottles- they have to come home so I can recycle them and save the caps . You never know when you will need a cat litter container full of bottle caps (they recycle separately and some places collect them to recycle for $ for their projects)

Dust

So thats about it. The contents of my car change all the time, but usually there are donations and gifts and candy wrappers in it.

Of war toys and young boys

I am not excluding girls, it just doesn’t rhyme with toys. I would never have bought my daughter, or if I had one a son, a gun, toy soldiers, tanks, etc. I didn’t like war and didn’t want the toys in our home. I didn’t want Barbie in my home either, but that’s for another blog.

I asked  my great nephew’s Mom what she thought he would like for his Birthday. She sent me a link to a set of remote controlled tanks. I am a softy for this kid, so I bought it. This year I happened to be visiting New York on his birthday, so I was able to give him the gift myself. I watched his face light up and he said, “How did you know this was what I wanted? Did you read my mind?” I told him that I was magic, then quickly explained that his Mom had sent me the link. The tanks were put to the side as he and his brother ate breakfast. Then they brought them out. I am not a fan of video games, as I think they are too realistic with the animation and sounds. They make Zombies out of some kids and there isn’t any physical activity. I am also a proponent of open ended playthings.

I sat and watched the boys play and this is what I saw. There was a lot of strategy and instant planning. They had to think quickly. After a few minutes they got up and rummaged around in Grandpa’s office for cardboard boxes to make barricades. They played this way for a while and then they went over to the playroom and brought out some construction toys. These became additional obstacles. I think they were aliens to shoot at and move around. The two brothers played together for 30-45 minutes. These two boys are 10 and 8 and aren’t usually in the same room for 5 minutes without some minor skirmish breaking out.

What I saw opened my eyes a bit more. These tanks lead to open ended creative play. They were visually, auditory and physically stimulating. They gave two brothers a chance to “shoot” at each other and avoid each other without any verbal or physical sparing that leads to anger or sadness. I am glad I decided not to let my prejudices against guns and war toys dictate my not purchasing what my great nephew wanted.

The Accidental Activists

This is not the right title, but close enough. It may not be exactly accurate as the story happened decades ago and my information is from a third party. But right now, in this place in time, it needs to be told.

In 1970, in a small rural town in Western NY, a group of friends became activists in the fight for racial equality by doing the right thing.

This group of  mostly quiet, very intelligent teens stepped up to get a foreign exchange student moved to a new home when  her host family revealed themselves as being racist bigots. They moved to have the student relocated to a new host family.

The host family had hosted a an AFS student from Germany a few years before and was therefore already vetted and ready to take another student. The host teen was a part of the friends group. She had not been spending as much time with them as she had a boyfriend that occupied most of the time that she wasn’t in school. They were already certified as an AFS home and did not go through the rigorous scrutiny a new family would have. They received notification that they would be hosting Judy, a teen from an African nation.. When asked about who the student was, the host teen told her friends, some nigger! Judy arrived  ready to learn about the US and to be a student at BBCS. She arrived in clothing appropriate for the African climate including sandals. Being that it was soon to be Fall in NY these items were not enough. Her host family would not buy her any clothing for the cooler weather. They received money for Judy, but being that they had not yet received it yet, they wouldn’t help out.

Students from other countries were always welcomed to our school. We didn’t have a lot of exposure to other cultures. Our parents didn’t fly all over the world for work, so AFS was our window into other cultures. Judy arrived and made friends, some in her classes, and some like my sister, were younger.  Unfortunately, her host was  spending all her time with her boyfriend , and wasn’t really a part of that. She would go out and leave Judy at home. When the parents also left, Judy stayed at home with a list of chores to do. When she wanted to attend school dances and athletic events she had to get her own rides or stay at home doing housework. What this young girl was learning was that the US was that she was not valued because of the color of her skin . She was considered a servant by the host family.

Her friends became very aware of what was happening. Not because they were activists or because of what was happening in the 70’s , particularly in Southern states, but because it was the right thing to do. They spoke up to the adults that could help. They stood up for their  friend and took action.

The school officials and sponsors acted immediately. First they had to find a family that had already had a student. They called a farm family that had hosted a Scandinavian student 4 years before. They were excited to have another student and Judy was moved to their home. They welcomed her, loved her , and made sure that she had what she needed and was taken to school events.  The problem was that they only had one child and she was in college and not living at home. Judy stayed at their home until a third family could go through the vetting process for AFS.  She then moved into a third family. They had 3 students, and Mom worked at the school.Their family welcomed Judy and that is where she lived out the remainder  of the school before returning to Home

That this even happened is abhorrent to me. Why did the first host even take a student from Africa if they were that bigoted. They should have declined. Maybe the goal was to get their daughter to spend time away from her boyfriend and not spend all her time hanging all over him. The mother of this familyhad been my release time religion teacher when I was in 4th grade. How could a Christian treat another person like this? What this young girl was learning was that the US was a place where she was not valued and would not be considered an equal.

Judy, I hope you have more good memories than bad of your time at BBCS. I hope that by the end of the year, you realized that you were a part of the student body and the community. I hope that you realize that your first family was an exception to how the community felt. Your friends spoke up for you.

To Denise, Ron, Nancy, Teresa, Linda,  Gregg, and others ( I just don’t know all the names) thank you for being brave and compassionate enough to see this huge injustice and be part of the solution. To the 2 families that agreed to be hosts, one with a few hours notice and the other that went through the vetting process at warp speed, You are also heroes. What could have been a horrible year for a young girl, instead taught her that she had friends and people that saw her as they should, as a brave young girl that traveled thousands of miles to learn in another county.

Of wine , busses, and racism

I am of Europian descent. I am white. What should I do when I see racist behavior perpetrated against African Americans? I asked a friend to hijack her Facebook to pose the question to her majority black pool of FB friends. There was no need to do that. Her answer was very definitive. If you see something, speak up. What if the person at whom the comments or behavior was directed is kicking you under the table or says for you to say nothing. We need to speak up. Every person that sees another being the target of any behavior that is racist needs to speak up.

Here is what precipitated this post. Last Saturday I was in Western New York on a party bus with friends and family. The demographic mix was 1 African- American man, his 2 mixed race sons and 21 white men and woman. . The last place we stopped at was more of a sales venue that offered group tastings. This was the 5th winery, so I wasn’t tasting, but taking pictures and buying. I didn’t hear what was said, and only found out about it when we returned to my brothers house. At every winery we were asked to pay attention. For the most part we did, but of course there was socializing and conversing going on. Allen had been talking to my sister. He missed one of the tastings, and said something to the bartender about having a taste of the last wine. She said you need to pay attention!. Then she proceeded to pour the wine into his glass, then add the last selection to the glass. My sister and sister in law were about to jump the bar and get in her face. Allen’s wife Ellen said if he has a problem with it, let him speak up. I would like to think that I would have said something if I had heard and seen what had happened, despite being asked not to.  I shy away from all confrontation. So I am not sure what I would have done. I realize that it is time for me to to take a stand. We all need to call out racism when we see it. It doesn’t matter the degree of the comment or the action, its time for us all to step up to the plate, even if it means stepping on some toes. All of us need to take action, no matter how small that action is. If one of us steps up, maybe others will too. So Speak up for all other people in this world that we share.

 

And then What

I was in the gym of the  church childcare center with my 6-11 years olds in Summer childcare several years ago. The usual cacophony was pierced by the shouts of an 8 year old that was angry at a 6 year old. “I hope that your parents get turned into DHR (child protection) and they go to jail , and you have to go to a foster home and you never see them again”  The face of the younger girl was one of total horror, the older total anger.  I got another teacher to take over and to comfort one child while I pulled the other aside to address her fears.

My friends 15 year old saw her friend being physically abused by an older sister. She called DHR. The friend became very angry because her Mom would go to jail. This caused the friendship to end and eventually lead to  a physical altercation between the two girls.

In neither case did the parent end up in jail or the kids in a foster home. We seem to be educating our children in what child abuse is in all its forms, and giving them the tools to protect themselves and others, but then the ball drops. The children do not know what will happen next and they should. They can understand that an investigation will take place.  They will be asked to talk to a social worker. If they are in immediate danger, they may be placed with a relative or in a temporary foster home. The parents (s) may be offered help for their addiction, anger issues, parenting issues, or other issues that could lead to the abusive behavior, The children may also receive intervention to address the behavioral issues that are present. Yes, the parent could go to jail, and the child to a foster home, but that will not be the first step.  This information could lead to more children coming forward to start a process that will stop them from an abusive  situation

The education process needs to go further so that we can really protect our kids. It is a way that we can show them love.

 

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